From Paul Garner <paul@blues.co.nz>
To Debra C--- <Debra.C-@--->
Date 02 Aug 2002 21:18
Subject Re: FW: World Capitalism
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> TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one and buy a bull.
> Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
> You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> AMERICAN CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
> letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,
> then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
> so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for
> five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
> intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the
> majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
> back to your listed company.
> The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with option
> on one more.
> You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
> leaving you with nine cows.
> No balance sheet provided with the release.
> The public buy your bull.
>
> AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four
> cows.
> You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
>
> FRENCH CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> JAPANESE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
> cow and produce twenty times the milk.
> You then create clever cow-cartoon images called Cowkimon and
> market them worldwide.
>
> GERMAN CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
> month, and milk themselves.
>
> BRITISH CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> Both are mad.
>
> ITALIAN CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
> You break for lunch.
>
> RUSSIAN CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You count them and learn you have five cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
> You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
> You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
> SWISS CAPITALISM:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge others for storing them.
>
> CHINESE CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> You have 300 people milking them.
> You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
> the newsman who reported the numbers.
>
> NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> That one on the left is kinda cute.
>
> AFGHANI CAPITALISM:
> You have two cows.
> The Taliban orders that all cows should have horns longer than
> five centimetres.
> You only have one bull.
> The Taliban imprisons and excutes your cow.
> You trade five goats for a new breeding mate for your bull.
> An American smart bomb kills both, while destroying your house.
21st CENTURY CAPITALISM
Biotech company genetically engineers Cow v2.0™.
These cows are bigger, grow faster, are more disease resistant and
produce more milk than regular cows ...but they are sterile and die
early, so each year you have to buy your replacement Cows from the
biotech company.
You can only buy Cow v2.0™ from the biotech company.
PREHISTORIC CAPITALISM
You see a cow.
You kill it and eat it.
Repeat as neccessary.
DYSTOPIAN CAPITALISM
You have never seen a cow.
The Overlords keep you working as a slave in a giant underground
artificial milk power factory while they live in luxury, in giant
sky cities above the clouds.
UTOPIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows
...in a beautiful valley.
They provide you with all the milk you need.
FAIRYTALE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy some magic beans.
You grow a giant beanstalk, climb up, fee-fi-fo-fum etc.
Returning with a goose that lays golden eggs, you live happily
ever after.
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